USA TODAY Sports

Newell: Be careful what you ask for – you may get it!

Saints robbery turned murder - a glimpse into the Goodell underground

Newell Normand
January 28, 2019 - 6:33 am
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As the search for Roger Goodell continues…and frustrations of fans, players, coaches, owners and anyone remotely linked to the game rises; the Park Avenue gang remains holed up in their posh offices in New York.  It is reminiscent of a theme from The Sopranos. The heat is turned up - The Goodell Gang has a miscue and leaks the information that they are responsible for botching the call (robbery).  The Victim (Saints team) seeks justice and looks to the Boss (Goodell) for some answers and restitution.  Meanwhile, word spreads of the injustice and the citizens of Anywhere USA are outraged with the heavy handed approach exhibited by The Goodell Gang and they have had enough.  

The Governor of the state (Somewhere) and the mayor of the city (Anywhere) pen letters to The Goodell Gang looking for answers.  The press is hot on the trail of The Goodell Gang demanding that the boss reveal himself and answer question about this horrendous event (crime).  The Goodell Gang consigliere Arthur Blank informs Roger that he has reached out to all of his sources and they are all dried up.  “No red carpets, no open doors and, in fact, the television folks we’ve paid off for years have turned on us too.  That little worm of a reporter Bob Crastas said some pretty mean things about us.”

Roger the Boss man peers at Arthur, his trusted consigliere, and inquires…"Where did we go wrong?" 

Arthur responds that he keeps hearing that, "We make promises to address any number of complaints and we do nothing.  They don’t want lip service!   You know, Boss man, it’s not like the old days where you could say something on the west coast and the east coast would know none the better.  It’s bad out there now…and in the South there is this group 'The Who Dat Nation' that acts like those damn investigative reporters…even when they’re not mad.  

"Boss, the letters are pouring in from all over and, now there’s talk of subpoenaing your ass to a Congressional hearing.  You don’t want no congressional hearing, boss.  Boss, don’t get mad, I know you have always relied on the strategy that we lay low and ride it out while we try to re-grease our relationships.  I don’t know, Boss it feels different this time.  They got billboards all around our big 53 shindig next week, and just the other day a coroner…yea you heard me…a coroner for damn sake moved this from a robbery to a murder.  

"Boss, we have been real good getting robbery cases dealt with, but I ain’t never seen a robbery changed to a murder, Boss.  We gotta do something, and I’m telling you right now, Boss, riding this thing out ain’t gonna get it…not this time!"

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